The Trouble with Breastfeeding
Nursing while pregnant, reintroducing postpartum, finding clean formula, and more
If you follow me on Instagram, you know I’ve recently been engaging on the topic of breastfeeding – specifically, breastfeeding while pregnant, tandem feeding, and extended breastfeeding (nursing past the age of 2). My initial posts waded into the issue because I had recently found out that I was pregnant, was concerned about Roan weaning prematurely (he was seven months old at the time), and had wondered how so many moms manage to tandem feed, particularly given the impact that hormonal changes during pregnancy have on milk supply.
Surprisingly, many of the moms who responded to my inquiry shared that they re-introduced breastfeeding to their toddlers after the new baby was born and their milk had returned. This was surprising to me. So, the suggestion is that I reintroduce Roan to breastfeeding after he weans? I was unsure.
I created a follow-up post about a week later saying as much. Then, I elaborated on my reaction to the suggestion of reintroducing with my own thought process on the importance of nursing Roan beyond the age of 1 and invited others to weigh in. The responses I received were all over the board – some providing convincing arguments in favor of extended breastfeeding, others who agreed with my assessment and felt that reintroduction was unnecessary (and perhaps a little awkward)… and still more.
So, in the spirit of my own ongoing discernment around this topic, I thought I’d share a brief update with where we’re at, some observations I’ve made, and some details of our present circumstances that have surprised me (plus the formulas we like).
WHAT’S CHANGED?
The week that we engaged in the aforementioned *spirited* discussion about tandem and extended feeding, my family was on a week-long vacation in South Carolina. This was the first week of my pregnancy that I’d begun to experience any real nausea and the exhaustion was a bit overwhelming – I was napping as many as 2-3 times a day and seemed to be dozing off every time I sat down.
While on the trip, Roan’s sleep was effectively out of control. He was waking up as many as 4 to 5 times per night. At the time, we blamed travel and sleeping in an unfamiliar place. After only a few nights at home, however, we began to suspect that food intake was the primary culprit.
At this point, I was still attempting to primarily breastfeed and we were supplementing with formula a couple times a day. None of this was particularly measured – we mostly went off of how full I was feeling, whether Roan seemed hungry, and how he reacted to nursing. If it seemed he was satisfied, we’d skip the bottle. If he was frustrated, we’d supplement.
But once we got back, his sleep was so erratic that I felt forced to more heavily regulate how much food he was getting every day. So, I began to primarily formula-feed and switched to supplementing with nursing.
I’m going to pause right here. I know that there are women reading this who’ll shake their heads and think to themselves that it was a mistake to allow this change to occur. It needs to be said that, in moments like this one, I feel strongly we must strike a balance in our priorities. Breastfeeding, up to this point, has absolutely been a priority in our family – but this priority must be balanced with another priority – sleep. And not just for me, but also for my child and my husband, who has to get up and go to work each day. The way this was all going, sleep wasn’t being had by anyone. So, as a parent, you make choices. This was one of those choices.
The switch to a more monitored feeding schedule solved Roan’s sleep problem almost immediately. The first night following one day of scheduled feedings, he woke up twice. The following handful of nights, he woke up once. And for the past week since then, he’s slept through the night – I’ll admit, with a few moments of crying out here or there, but nothing that wasn’t handled by the pacifier or a few pats on his bottom.
This realization was notable for me. I see so clearly a version of this story in which I cling to breastfeeding and simply accept the incredibly poor sleeping conditions that were plaguing my entire family – but, thanks be to God, we didn’t do that.
I do believe it’s possible to make an idol of these “ideals” in motherhood – particularly the ideals that are proven to benefit our children and backed by research. It’s admirable to pursue what’s best in terms of caring for our babies, but always in balance with the other priorities that maintain peace and order in our homes. At least - that’s the way Will and I see it and how we, together, discern these challenges.
NOW WHAT?
So, naturally, because I’ve not been primarily breastfeeding (although I have continued to nurse Roan in the morning when we first wake up), my supply has dropped even more significantly. When we first returned home from our trip, I pumped a few times to see how much I was actually producing. I was only ever able to get a single ounce. For a 20 lb nine-month-old who’s drinking anywhere from 30-35 oz of milk per day, that’s not going to cut it. It’s been a while since I’ve pumped but I’m confident I’m producing very little. I’m not completely dry (because Roan still nurses successfully once a day), but nursing only lasts for a minute or two now.
At 10 weeks pregnant, this is significantly earlier in my pregnancy than I expected to be (mostly) free from breastfeeding. On the one hand, I’m grateful to no longer need three naps every day - but, on the other, I’m pretty sad that Roan’s now forced to rely on formula for the vast majority of his calories.
Which brings me to the question of “reintroduction” once our second is born.
I struggle to picture myself encouraging Roan to nurse seven and a half months from now. Not because I don’t see the benefits to his immune system (which is the most compelling reason, in my mind, to continue to nurse) but because it seems I’d be encouraging a regression following a natural progression in his development. Weaning from breastfeeding, regardless of the baby’s age, is a developmental progression – particularly if the child is consuming solid foods and no longer relies on breastmilk as a primary source of nutrition (which should, in theory, be true for Roan by the time this baby is born).
All of that is to say, I don’t see myself taking this step. Perhaps I’ll be surprised – but, at present, I don’t anticipate it.
SPEAKING OF SURPRISES… ?
There are so many characteristics of this whole experience that have surprised me. The first, of course, being that Roan had to transition to primarily formula as early as he did. When I first found out I was pregnant, I remember reading online that my milk would see the most significant depletion around the 5th month of pregnancy. I expected, then, to have at least another three months or so – honestly, I thought we’d make it to Roan’s first birthday. This has been a surprise and also a disappointment.
I’ve also been a little bit surprised by his reaction to this change. It’s possible the timing is a coincidence, but ever since we switched from primarily breastfeeding to primarily formula-feeding, I’ve found that Roan is clingier than ever. He seems to want to be held at all times and is more unsettled with others (including his dad) than he’s been in the past. Again, it’s possible the timing on this development is just a coincidence, but I suspect no longer nursing is contributing to this reality.
A third surprise has been that I’ve continued to produce at all. Once we made the transition away from primarily breastfeeding, I expected my milk supply to dry up within a few days. It’s been over a week and it seems that, some days, I still wake up feeling “full” (I’m definitely not actually full but breastfeeding moms will know that tender feeling I’m referring to).
In fact, I’ll be honest – I made a rookie mistake the past few days that I paid the price for. My production has always been lower on my right side (I favored this side after Roan was born because he tore up my nipple so significantly those first few days of nursing) and I’d only been able to get a few drops from pumping prior to switching to primarily formula. So, I made the mistake of assuming I wasn’t producing anything on that side and have only nursed him on the left side for the past three days or so.
This morning, I woke up with incredible soreness and hard knots, tender to the touch, all the way around my nipple – clogged ducts as a result of cold turkey. Naturally, once Roan fed from that side (OUCH), the problem was quickly resolved. Nevertheless, that’s a mistake I won’t be making again anytime soon.
FORMULA OPTIONS
The number one question I got from moms in response to my stories about formula was whether we’ve found an alternative to all of the dirty formulas out there. I’m relieved to share that, actually, we have. We have a handful of favorites, as well as a fallback.
SERENITY KIDS A2 TODDLER FORMULA
I had initially ruled this one out because it does contain palm oil. Fun fact: palm oil is apparently not a seed oil? It’s actually a fruit oil. Palm oil’s PUFA (polyunsaturated fatty acids – the thing that makes seed oils bad for you) percentage is significantly lower than your typical seed oils (for reference, canola oil’s PUFA content is 28%, while palm oil’s PUFA content is only 10%). Apparently, palm oil has been lumped in with many of the others because of the supposed environmental effects when harvesting it. In terms of the body’s ability to consume it, it’s pretty significantly better than seed oils.
This formula also contains coconut oil and olive oil, both of which have PUFa content that’s under 10%. When you consider the gross seed oil content in the vast majority of other formulas, I’ll count this as a win.
NOTE: it is labeled as a toddler formula but is perfectly safe and healthy for children under the age of 1. Also, I’m not a doctor. Just in case that wasn’t clear.
SAMMY’S MILK
We also love Sammy’s Milk, but we don’t love the price of Sammy’s milk, unfortunately. Sammy’s milk contains avocado oil and molasses, making it by far the cleanest formula option on the market – but it’s also the most expensive. You’re looking at spending twice as much on Sammy’s Milk as you would on Serenity or another comparable brand.
We use Sammy’s Milk as our portable formula because it can be purchased in 12 and 24-packs of 4 oz sample sizes. These are so much easier than measuring formula into a Ziploc or taking the whole container with you if you’re going out of town overnight. For that purpose, we love it and don’t mind paying a little bit more!
WESTON B. PRICE RAW MILK FORMULA
If you’re a raw milk girlie, the Weston B. Price Foundation has a raw milk formula recipe on their website that allows you to make your own formula at home. I’ll be honest, I don’t think I could keep up with Roan’s formula consumption if I were making it myself, but this could be a really great option if you’re just supplementing with a few ounces of formula daily. It’s hard to get a gauge on what this would cost – I imagine it largely depends on what raw milk costs in your area (in Illinois, you’re looking at $13 per gallon) plus the added ingredients. But, again, if raw milk is more accessible to you and you’ve got the time, go for it!
FINAL THOUGHTS
I’ll be honest and say that the discussion around reintroducing breastfeeding and extended feeding was one of the most difficult conversations I’ve been a part of on Instagram. I received a lot of incredibly unkind messages as a result of my own conclusions on the topic and very few constructive responses with compelling arguments. The wisest and most helpful messages I receive continue to be the ones in which other moms (usually of 5 or more children) tell me that I just need to do what makes sense for my family and that what makes the most sense will be clear in due time. In other words, it’s a personal discernment.
The reason I share all of this so extensively is that, even just a few weeks ago, hearing the experience of another first-time mom as she maneuvered breastfeeding while pregnant/transitioning to formula/weaning would have taken the edge off for me. So often, the anticipation of something is so much worse than the actual thing. Also, babies are so resilient. Would I prefer to be feeding Roan primarily formula at this point in his short life? No. The answer is no. But is he sleeping better than ever, meeting all of his developmental milestones, growing and gaining weight at a healthy pace, and generally a happy baby? Absolutely, yes. So, I continue to trust God’s plan our family and discern balance as it makes the most sense for us.